Partners.....

What is the role of the partner in the birthing room? For so many generations partners either didn't want to be in the birth room or were barred from being there.  Women were surrounded by their female family members and women in their community.  They were supported with love and compassion and the skill of women who had birth before them.

These days the skill comes from doctors and nurses and midwives.  And the love and compassion comes from their partners.  This can put many partners in an awkward position.  To see the woman you love, in perceived pain, and unable to sympathize or make it go away.  Desperately trying to remember what was said in the prenatal classes, kicking yourself for not reading those pages she had flagged for you and scrambling to find the birth plan she printed off to bring to the hospital.  What is a partner to do when suddenly faced with labour day and being overwhelmed and under prepared?

Step One:  Remain Calm
Even if you are freaking out on the inside, stay strong and in control on the outside.  All that comedic drama we see birthing mothers and their partners pull in the movies is FICTION! She needs your strength even when you aren't feeling it yourself.

Step Two:  Be There
That may seem obvious but I don't mean just physically.  You must be there mentally as well.  So that means no iphone, no blackberry.  Watch her, not the monitors.  Hold her hand, rub her back, listen to her wants and needs and respond to them.  Don't be distracted by the buzzing of your phone with texts and calls from anxious family members.  They can wait.  She needs you now.

Step Three: You are Papa Bear
You are there to protect your family and make sure they are safe.  How do you do that? Ask lots of questions, follow your gut and don't assume every suggestion is right for your family.  Most protocols are based on averages.  And your woman is not average.  She is an individual and her birth is as unique as she is.  She should be treated as such.  Protect her and her space so she can feel safe enough to let go and work at her labour.

Step Four: Plan Ahead
You can't show up for the birth and expect awesome.  No one wakes up one day and decides to run a marathon and win. You have to train or your twitter feed from the finish line will end with #fail.  Listen in prenatal class and practice the comfort measures you are taught.  Most importantly create the birth plan together.  This way you will know what she wants and why and how important each item is to her.  Know what you are fighting for when you are Papa Bear. 

Step Five: Know Your Limitations
Know what you are capable of.  What are your strengths and weaknesses? If you cannot do steps one to four with 100% of your abilities, get help.  Preferably a Doula who will assist you in all your steps and do it so you end up looking like a rock star.  Take all the credit, she won't mind.  Being honest about your ability to assist momma and asking for help is what she needs.  Being macho is not a welcome trait in the labour room, but honesty is.

Answer these questions: Can you be all she needs? Can you handle everything you may face? Do you have the stamina to run this marathon with her? If a voice in your head said no at any point, ask for help.  She'll love you for it in the end.