Did you know that in most hospitals you are allowed two support people? Presumably one will be your partner and the second can be...your friend, a family member, or a hired professional called a doula.  Having an extra set of hands to assist you and your partner can be very beneficial.  In the case of a doula, The assistance comes without judgement and with an expertise in modern birth and a knowledge of the workings of the hospital.

But what if you were told by your doctor that they didn't allow you to have a doula?  Do you think your doctor has the right to dictate who your support people are? One such incident was highlighted to me earlier this week and it got me thinking. 

Consider this, what are the chances your doctor will actually be at your birth? Having a doula offers you continuity of care.  Your own doctor can't offer you that.  The vast majority only work at their hospital once a week or less.  And as most hospital policies do not dictate the precise "who" you can have, where is it coming from that your doctor can say precisely who will be there to support you?

One reason could be that the doctor has had a past bad experience with a doula and has written off the entire profession.  A situation of one bad apple spoiling the bunch.  But like with all things, there is good and bad.  There are good doulas, and bad doulas.  Just like there are good doctors and bad doctors, good nurses and bad nurses.  But you might agree, that one bad experience shouldn't ruin the experience of all mothers and shouldn't take away a woman's choice for her own birth.  If we did that, then most of us wouldn't be seeing doctors at all, or going to hospitals. 

A second reason might be control.  Some doctors, not all, like to micro manage birth.  They like to control the process and don't like to answer questions.  Some feel the questions you ask are actually you questioning them as a doctor and as a professional.  Some think the doula is whispering in your ear and getting you to make decisions that go against medical advice, or that the doula is bad mouthing them behind their back. 

Nothing could be further from the truth.  A doula is there to support your decisions.  To help you in physical comfort and evidenced based information.  To remind you of your birth plan, that you and your doctor agreed to.  To help you cope when things don't go as planned and to be with you even when everyone's shift has ended.  They are not there to make decisions for you, but to help make sure you have all the information to make an informed consent decision.  And informed consent is your right as a patient. 

So what is a parent to do when confronted with having to choose between the birth team she wants and not upsetting their care provider? The easy answer is nothing.  It shouldn't be a choice.  Your birth should be what you want it to be.  With a care provider you like, who is supportive of your choices, in a place where you feel comfortable, either at home or a hospital or a birth center.  With a team of supporter of your choosing who will care for you, listen to you, and be with you every step of the way. 

But how do you do that? Research.  Interview, yes even doctors.  Go on tours of different facilities, ask questions, ask your friends, family, co-workers, prenatal teacher.  Research on-line, read books beyond What to Expect When Your Expecting.  Pregnancy and birth are all about choice.  Don't have that choice taken away from you because of fear and ignorance.