What is the role of the partner in the birthing room? For so many generations partners either didn't want to be in the birth room or were barred from being there. Women were surrounded by their female family members and women in their community. They were supported with love and compassion and the skill of women who had birth before them.
These days the skill comes from doctors and nurses and midwives. And the love and compassion comes from their partners. This can put many partners in an awkward position. To see the woman you love, in perceived pain, and unable to sympathize or make it go away. Desperately trying to remember what was said in the prenatal classes, kicking yourself for not reading those pages she had flagged for you and scrambling to find the birth plan she printed off to bring to the hospital. What is a partner to do when suddenly faced with labour day and being overwhelmed and under prepared?
Step One: Remain Calm
Even if you are freaking out on the inside, stay strong and in control on the outside. All that comedic drama we see birthing mothers and their partners pull in the movies is FICTION! She needs your strength even when you aren't feeling it yourself.
Step Two: Be There
That may seem obvious but I don't mean just physically. You must be there mentally as well. So that means no iphone, no blackberry. Watch her, not the monitors. Hold her hand, rub her back, listen to her wants and needs and respond to them. Don't be distracted by the buzzing of your phone with texts and calls from anxious family members. They can wait. She needs you now.
Step Three: You are Papa Bear
You are there to protect your family and make sure they are safe. How do you do that? Ask lots of questions, follow your gut and don't assume every suggestion is right for your family. Most protocols are based on averages. And your woman is not average. She is an individual and her birth is as unique as she is. She should be treated as such. Protect her and her space so she can feel safe enough to let go and work at her labour.
Step Four: Plan Ahead
You can't show up for the birth and expect awesome. No one wakes up one day and decides to run a marathon and win. You have to train or your twitter feed from the finish line will end with #fail. Listen in prenatal class and practice the comfort measures you are taught. Most importantly create the birth plan together. This way you will know what she wants and why and how important each item is to her. Know what you are fighting for when you are Papa Bear.
Step Five: Know Your Limitations
Know what you are capable of. What are your strengths and weaknesses? If you cannot do steps one to four with 100% of your abilities, get help. Preferably a Doula who will assist you in all your steps and do it so you end up looking like a rock star. Take all the credit, she won't mind. Being honest about your ability to assist momma and asking for help is what she needs. Being macho is not a welcome trait in the labour room, but honesty is.
Answer these questions: Can you be all she needs? Can you handle everything you may face? Do you have the stamina to run this marathon with her? If a voice in your head said no at any point, ask for help. She'll love you for it in the end.
Showing posts with label labour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label labour. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Monday, April 20, 2009
The value of a supportive word...
This was not the topic I was intending to write about but sometimes situations arise and you can't help but voice your outrage and concern.
A friend recently came home from a VBAC birth and told me how the doctor basically told her client to stop wasting her time, it was just going to be a ceserean any way, he refused to take responsibility for her and that walking around was a complete waste of time. The client did everything she could and my friend had her doing things we never knew a labouring woman could accomplish while in active labour.
Unfortunately after more then 24 hrs it did end up in a ceserean section.
But why would a doctor come into a hopeful and happy situation and burst every balloon in the room with his words. When a woman is in labour she is so open to the connotations of words. A woman who feels supported and loved and safe will do amazing things during her labour. Her discomfort will be diminished, her labour will go faster, she will not fear the process and listen to her body, and she will preceive the birth in a much better light regardless of the outcome when her basic human needs are met.
Now I'm not saying that in the case of my friend her client would have had a vaginal birth if her doctor hadn't been such a mean guy, but perhaps she would have had a better outcome, a more pleasant experience, a shorter experience, who knows.
Kindness costs nothing, it doesn't infringe on our health care costs but the benefits are huge and it would go a long way if doctors and nurses and friends and family would remember that when talking to a pregnant or labouring woman.
That's my soap box for today, perhaps I'll get to write the next post I was planning on and chat about why you aren't too fat, short or old to have a baby.
A friend recently came home from a VBAC birth and told me how the doctor basically told her client to stop wasting her time, it was just going to be a ceserean any way, he refused to take responsibility for her and that walking around was a complete waste of time. The client did everything she could and my friend had her doing things we never knew a labouring woman could accomplish while in active labour.
Unfortunately after more then 24 hrs it did end up in a ceserean section.
But why would a doctor come into a hopeful and happy situation and burst every balloon in the room with his words. When a woman is in labour she is so open to the connotations of words. A woman who feels supported and loved and safe will do amazing things during her labour. Her discomfort will be diminished, her labour will go faster, she will not fear the process and listen to her body, and she will preceive the birth in a much better light regardless of the outcome when her basic human needs are met.
Now I'm not saying that in the case of my friend her client would have had a vaginal birth if her doctor hadn't been such a mean guy, but perhaps she would have had a better outcome, a more pleasant experience, a shorter experience, who knows.
Kindness costs nothing, it doesn't infringe on our health care costs but the benefits are huge and it would go a long way if doctors and nurses and friends and family would remember that when talking to a pregnant or labouring woman.
That's my soap box for today, perhaps I'll get to write the next post I was planning on and chat about why you aren't too fat, short or old to have a baby.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Hypno...what?
"You should read, Hypnobirthing by Marie Mongan." I say in all seriousness. Instantly a look comes across their faces and you can almost read their thoughts. 'We can't hire her, she is way too crunchy granola for us...' or 'Hypnobirthing...what kind of crazy mumbo jumbo hippie crap is she talking about.'
The funny thing is, I'm not crunchy granola, more like lumpy oatmeal and hypnobirthing, despite the name is not mumbo jumbo.
Contrary to popular belief Hypnobirthing will not allow your partner or me to make you bark like dog or act like a chicken during labour. It will however allow you t become completely relaxed and free of tension. When you are in this state, you are better able to listen to your body and follow your instincts.
You will still be completely conscious but during your contractions or surges as they are called, you will be able to go into a deep relaxation with the help of breathing and imagery.
Some of the best birth's I've been to have been Hypnobirths and my clients have been able to go unmedicated, and have been relaxed and stressfree.
So whether you take the classes or just read the book, I suggest that this state relaxation is something you should strive for in your labour. And it isn't surprizing for me to say that having a doula will aid in that goal
The funny thing is, I'm not crunchy granola, more like lumpy oatmeal and hypnobirthing, despite the name is not mumbo jumbo.
Contrary to popular belief Hypnobirthing will not allow your partner or me to make you bark like dog or act like a chicken during labour. It will however allow you t become completely relaxed and free of tension. When you are in this state, you are better able to listen to your body and follow your instincts.
You will still be completely conscious but during your contractions or surges as they are called, you will be able to go into a deep relaxation with the help of breathing and imagery.
Some of the best birth's I've been to have been Hypnobirths and my clients have been able to go unmedicated, and have been relaxed and stressfree.
So whether you take the classes or just read the book, I suggest that this state relaxation is something you should strive for in your labour. And it isn't surprizing for me to say that having a doula will aid in that goal
Monday, February 16, 2009
Pleasantly surprized!
I spent Valentines at the birth of a wonderful couple in Women's College Hospital. The birth was wonderful, everything went very well. So why was I pleasantly surprised? My only experiences with this hospital was one birth with midwives and several women telling me that their doctor was insisting they not have a doula.
One woman, a single mother with only her elderly mother for support asked her doctor about getting a doula and he told her it wasn't necessary, that he would be there and doulas were not worth it and would ruin their birth. She was a candidate for a volunteer doula and was the one person who really did need a doula. Thankfully she didn't listen to her doctor and had a doula and that took a lot of pressure off her and her mother to be there all on their own. Their doctor was not there for her, he wasn't even there for the birth.
My client this weekend told her doctor that that she was having a doula. He told her that their doula "had better watch her place. I'm not talking to her about you." I was worried that this doctor would ban me from the birth. He had some chip on his shoulder that a doula would encourage a client to go against their doctor. That a doula would give medical advice. That simply isn't the case. Doulas are not medical. Our role is to comfort, physically and emotionally. Our job is to educate and make sure that when a client has a big decision to make they are doing it with all the information.
So when I entered the hospital I was concerned that I would not be able to support my clients to my fullest abilities. Turns out the only problem I had was the incredibly small room. The nurses were awesome and respected my role on the team. The anesthesiologist was fabulous and let me stay for the epidural despite the size of the room. Her doctor went off shift and the new doctor was great and very pleasant.
I was very pleased with how everything went and stayed longer then I usually do. I'm actually looking forward to my next birth there.
One woman, a single mother with only her elderly mother for support asked her doctor about getting a doula and he told her it wasn't necessary, that he would be there and doulas were not worth it and would ruin their birth. She was a candidate for a volunteer doula and was the one person who really did need a doula. Thankfully she didn't listen to her doctor and had a doula and that took a lot of pressure off her and her mother to be there all on their own. Their doctor was not there for her, he wasn't even there for the birth.
My client this weekend told her doctor that that she was having a doula. He told her that their doula "had better watch her place. I'm not talking to her about you." I was worried that this doctor would ban me from the birth. He had some chip on his shoulder that a doula would encourage a client to go against their doctor. That a doula would give medical advice. That simply isn't the case. Doulas are not medical. Our role is to comfort, physically and emotionally. Our job is to educate and make sure that when a client has a big decision to make they are doing it with all the information.
So when I entered the hospital I was concerned that I would not be able to support my clients to my fullest abilities. Turns out the only problem I had was the incredibly small room. The nurses were awesome and respected my role on the team. The anesthesiologist was fabulous and let me stay for the epidural despite the size of the room. Her doctor went off shift and the new doctor was great and very pleasant.
I was very pleased with how everything went and stayed longer then I usually do. I'm actually looking forward to my next birth there.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Inductions suck! (A Very Tired Rant)
Let me start by saying that for some, inductions are necessary. Those women with high blood pressure or PIH, those with gestational diabetes and those who suffer from other illnesses that may threaten their or their baby's life. For them inductions have saved lives.
Having said that, for women who are "past date" or their water has broken or their doctor is impatient inductions SUCK!
The main reason being that they are designed to fail. Lets consider how it goes:
The pregnant mother comes into the hospital with the belief that her baby is 'overdue', 'very large', 'her water has broken 24 hrs ago', or they had thought they were in labor and the hospital was not busy and even though they were only 1 cms dilated they were kept and given a room. (Hint, go home!!!!)
She is told, for whatever reason, that she will need to be induced. The reasons given sound grave and usually the mother is so sick of being pregnant it is a straw she can't help but grab.
And thus it begins.
She is sent to a room. Forced into a hideous blue gown with her butt exposed. Propped up all comfortable in bed, (The first of the problems). Attached to fetal monitors (The second of the problems) and either her water is broken or she has an iv started and is pumped up with pitocin. (The third of the problems).
If the induction begins with breaking her water, there is usually a shred of hope in that she is able to walk around at least after a little bit of monitoring. This is good and necessary because women need to move in labour.
If she has pitocin then she is doomed. Women in labour can't remain in bed, unless their body is telling them too. Being on pitocin she must stay monitored and thus stuck in bed. Thus begins the interventions.
An epidural follows because the contractions she is getting from the pitocin are unnatural and very painful and being stuck in bed she can't move around to find a comfortable position. You can try sitting in a chair or standing or even on the birth ball, but heaven's forbid she should move because then the monitor won't pick up the baby and the nurse has to reposition it until the baby can be 'found' again and that usually involves the mother being uncomfortable and begging for pain medication.
Thus the epidural now has slowed the labour and mom isn't labouring at the rate she should. According "the text book" you should dilate at a cm per hour once you hit 4cms. Now because of this delay the pitocin is continuing to be increased. After a while the baby may not tolerate the pitocin contractions and the heart rate will dip repeatedly and the pit is stopped but the contractions do too and then the cycle starts. After a while, usually just enough hours to really drain on the mother and her partner the doctor mentions the dreaded "C" word. At this point, the dips on the monitor have scared the parents, they are exhausted and just want to see their baby and be done with it all.
Thus the end of the induction is a c-section. Failure!
So then what are you to do? First off get as much information as possible before you are induced. Ask the following questions:
"Am I or my baby in danger?" If the answer is yes then you have no choice and the induction is necessary.
"What happens if we wait a little longer?" Most of the time it will buy you some time and if the answers you get are satisfying to you then, wait!
"What happens if we do nothing?" Again, more time is bought and you get more information to make a sound decision about the care you are going to be receiving.
Don't blindly jump into an induction without all the facts.
Second, there are lots of great ways to get your body ready for labour:
Massage, accupuncture, chiropractics, sex, and more.
Try everything else first.
Well that is my rant for the day. In case it wasn't obvious I had a failed induction on the weekend and while mom and baby are doing great I'm saddend by the fact that she missed out on the birth she was hoping for.
Therefore: Inductions Suck!
Having said that, for women who are "past date" or their water has broken or their doctor is impatient inductions SUCK!
The main reason being that they are designed to fail. Lets consider how it goes:
The pregnant mother comes into the hospital with the belief that her baby is 'overdue', 'very large', 'her water has broken 24 hrs ago', or they had thought they were in labor and the hospital was not busy and even though they were only 1 cms dilated they were kept and given a room. (Hint, go home!!!!)
She is told, for whatever reason, that she will need to be induced. The reasons given sound grave and usually the mother is so sick of being pregnant it is a straw she can't help but grab.
And thus it begins.
She is sent to a room. Forced into a hideous blue gown with her butt exposed. Propped up all comfortable in bed, (The first of the problems). Attached to fetal monitors (The second of the problems) and either her water is broken or she has an iv started and is pumped up with pitocin. (The third of the problems).
If the induction begins with breaking her water, there is usually a shred of hope in that she is able to walk around at least after a little bit of monitoring. This is good and necessary because women need to move in labour.
If she has pitocin then she is doomed. Women in labour can't remain in bed, unless their body is telling them too. Being on pitocin she must stay monitored and thus stuck in bed. Thus begins the interventions.
An epidural follows because the contractions she is getting from the pitocin are unnatural and very painful and being stuck in bed she can't move around to find a comfortable position. You can try sitting in a chair or standing or even on the birth ball, but heaven's forbid she should move because then the monitor won't pick up the baby and the nurse has to reposition it until the baby can be 'found' again and that usually involves the mother being uncomfortable and begging for pain medication.
Thus the epidural now has slowed the labour and mom isn't labouring at the rate she should. According "the text book" you should dilate at a cm per hour once you hit 4cms. Now because of this delay the pitocin is continuing to be increased. After a while the baby may not tolerate the pitocin contractions and the heart rate will dip repeatedly and the pit is stopped but the contractions do too and then the cycle starts. After a while, usually just enough hours to really drain on the mother and her partner the doctor mentions the dreaded "C" word. At this point, the dips on the monitor have scared the parents, they are exhausted and just want to see their baby and be done with it all.
Thus the end of the induction is a c-section. Failure!
So then what are you to do? First off get as much information as possible before you are induced. Ask the following questions:
"Am I or my baby in danger?" If the answer is yes then you have no choice and the induction is necessary.
"What happens if we wait a little longer?" Most of the time it will buy you some time and if the answers you get are satisfying to you then, wait!
"What happens if we do nothing?" Again, more time is bought and you get more information to make a sound decision about the care you are going to be receiving.
Don't blindly jump into an induction without all the facts.
Second, there are lots of great ways to get your body ready for labour:
Massage, accupuncture, chiropractics, sex, and more.
Try everything else first.
Well that is my rant for the day. In case it wasn't obvious I had a failed induction on the weekend and while mom and baby are doing great I'm saddend by the fact that she missed out on the birth she was hoping for.
Therefore: Inductions Suck!
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