The Real Doulas of Toronto!!!

As a doula I've spent almost 10yrs meeting and working with amazing women in the birthing industry.  No two of us are alike, except perhaps for our passion for supporting mothers, babies and their families.  So I thought wouldn't it be great to highlight for the people of the Greater Toronto Area and beyond some of the utterly fabulous women I work with on a regular basis.

I've set it up like an interview with their responses below.  The first doula I'd like you to meet is Carrie Barr.  Not only is she an amazing mom but an incredible birth and postpartum doula.  She would definitely be on my team should I ever become pregnant again....which I'm totally not....ever....and I mean ever....Carrie is one of our Durham Doulas.  So if you are pregnant or a new mum in the Durham Region, you need look no further than Carrie!

So without further delay, here is Carrie Barr!!!

1.  What brought you to become a doula?

I was fascinated by people's birth stories and horrified at the number of people coming home thinking they had an "emergency" section for blah, blah, blah reasons and would never have a baby normally.

2.  How do you think postpartum and birth doulas benefit parents?
Birth doulas help empower a couple for the birth experience they want, doulas reduce interventions and increase chances of successful breastfeeding.

Postpartum doulas help integrate the new family member into the house, provide breastfeeding support, create a longer breastfeeding relationship, provide sleep support and help design a postpartum plan for the family.

3.  Besides Birth support, what other related services are you passionate about?

Placenta encapsulation, waterbirth and every woman having access to support.
4.  Would say it is still important to have a doula with Midwifery care?
Absolutely, while midwives are amazing support they do not have training in comfort measures like doulas do and they have tons of charting to do which occupies their time.  Doulas and midwives make an amazing birth team.
5.  If you attend births in hospitals which is your favourite and why?

My favourite is Port Perry because it's small, quiet, and the staff have time to be attentive, they LOVE having doulas, the birthing suites are on the main floor with it's own entrance and the rooms overlook a private garden so women have a beautiful private view while labouring.  And they can walk in the garden!! No need for the blinds to be closed and the sunshine shut out!

6.  One of the biggest concerns is that doulas will replace the partner, how do you ensure that this is not the case?

I always tell clients that I am there to support both of them and that I always offer to show the partner what the client needs so that he/she has the opportunity to be involved on whatever level they are comfortable with.

7.  What questions do you feel are important to ask a birth and or a postpartum doula?
Experience, references, bias's, back up

8.  If you could put together the perfect support service package what would you choose?
All my services! A tub rental for a homebirth in which I was the birth doula, who then encapsulated her placenta and do 6 weeks 5 nights a week of pp support

9.  How do you juggle family and doula work?
I try to focus on services that allow me to be at home like tub rentals and encapsulation, I do pp nights so I am here when my family is awake, limit births to 2 a month and try not to take any when I have pp booked.
10.  How do you answer the question "You're a Do-What?"I provide professional support to pregnant and labouring women and sleep and breastfeeding support to families at home after the baby has been born!

Partners.....

What is the role of the partner in the birthing room? For so many generations partners either didn't want to be in the birth room or were barred from being there.  Women were surrounded by their female family members and women in their community.  They were supported with love and compassion and the skill of women who had birth before them.

These days the skill comes from doctors and nurses and midwives.  And the love and compassion comes from their partners.  This can put many partners in an awkward position.  To see the woman you love, in perceived pain, and unable to sympathize or make it go away.  Desperately trying to remember what was said in the prenatal classes, kicking yourself for not reading those pages she had flagged for you and scrambling to find the birth plan she printed off to bring to the hospital.  What is a partner to do when suddenly faced with labour day and being overwhelmed and under prepared?

Step One:  Remain Calm
Even if you are freaking out on the inside, stay strong and in control on the outside.  All that comedic drama we see birthing mothers and their partners pull in the movies is FICTION! She needs your strength even when you aren't feeling it yourself.

Step Two:  Be There
That may seem obvious but I don't mean just physically.  You must be there mentally as well.  So that means no iphone, no blackberry.  Watch her, not the monitors.  Hold her hand, rub her back, listen to her wants and needs and respond to them.  Don't be distracted by the buzzing of your phone with texts and calls from anxious family members.  They can wait.  She needs you now.

Step Three: You are Papa Bear
You are there to protect your family and make sure they are safe.  How do you do that? Ask lots of questions, follow your gut and don't assume every suggestion is right for your family.  Most protocols are based on averages.  And your woman is not average.  She is an individual and her birth is as unique as she is.  She should be treated as such.  Protect her and her space so she can feel safe enough to let go and work at her labour.

Step Four: Plan Ahead
You can't show up for the birth and expect awesome.  No one wakes up one day and decides to run a marathon and win. You have to train or your twitter feed from the finish line will end with #fail.  Listen in prenatal class and practice the comfort measures you are taught.  Most importantly create the birth plan together.  This way you will know what she wants and why and how important each item is to her.  Know what you are fighting for when you are Papa Bear. 

Step Five: Know Your Limitations
Know what you are capable of.  What are your strengths and weaknesses? If you cannot do steps one to four with 100% of your abilities, get help.  Preferably a Doula who will assist you in all your steps and do it so you end up looking like a rock star.  Take all the credit, she won't mind.  Being honest about your ability to assist momma and asking for help is what she needs.  Being macho is not a welcome trait in the labour room, but honesty is.

Answer these questions: Can you be all she needs? Can you handle everything you may face? Do you have the stamina to run this marathon with her? If a voice in your head said no at any point, ask for help.  She'll love you for it in the end.